Cleaning House

Sometimes it’s holding on that makes us strong. Sometimes it’s letting go.
This blog couldn’t have come at a more appropriate time because I’m actually in the middle of “cleaning house” right now. My best friend and I have been attached at the hip since freshman year of high school. We did everything in a pair and even decided to attend Rider together.
It turned out that Rider wasn’t the right place for my best friend (let’s call her Susie), so Susie transferred to a different college and is now two and a half hours away from me. It was a huge transition for us because we went from seeing each other everyday for five years to seeing each other once a month if that. Last year it actually worked out very well. We talked on the phone, IM, and via email all the time. She was still grounding herself in a new environment, so she needed my support and I liked that.
This year Susie lives in an apartment with five of her new friends and is always busy with them. I feel like she doesn’t have the time for me anymore…at least the amount of time that I would like to talk with her. Whenever we do talk, it’s a short and rushed conversation because one of us always has something to do. I don’t like to think of myself as a jealous person, but it does hurt when Susie doesn’t make time for me in her life, yet spends plenty of time with other people. Looking in from the outside, I feel like Susie has all she needs with her new college friends and doesn’t need my support anymore.
I’m in a tough place because while I’m so happy Susie has found a place where she’s comfortable to be herself, I’m stuck here wanting more than she can give me at this time. Susie is very shy and takes a while to adjust to new situations. I’m so proud of her for moving to a different school hours away from our home. She really left her comfort zone and recognized that it would help her gain more self-confidence. She’s finally at a point in her life where she can truly discover who she is and who she wants to be. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like I fit into the equation at this time. Perhaps she needs to fly on her own and let go of me until she’s reached her own personal goals. It’s very sad for me to think that’s there’s a possibility that we won’t be friends in the future, but I really doubt that will happen. We haven’t talked in a few weeks now, but I don’t wish to erase her from my life forever. I’m simply cleaning house for the time being. Otherwise, our relationship will be destroyed.
I have to let go of Susie and give her time to accomplish her goals on her own, without my help. On the other hand, I need the strength to live without my best friend too. In the mean time, I try to focus my attention on other things – school, work, family, and friends. I know that we can get through this bump in the road.
As we discussed in class, cleaning house is necessary at times. I can either let go of Susie now and hope for a friendship in the future, or I can hang onto her and wait for her to let go of me. I don’t want to smother Susie in her time of growth. She doesn’t deserve that and neither do I. I’m cutting the ties between us for the benefit of both of us. I want to salvage our relationship, not end it. I think this is the best way to fix it.

This time last year my family and I were uprooting our lives and cleaning house – literally. We were moving into a new home and escaping the unpleasant environment we had lived in for years.
I’m one of six kids and we’re all very close with each other and our mom. Unfortunately, none of us have that relationship with my dad. As we grew up, we never had a close personal relationship with him. He said his duty as a father was to provide for us, not to be our friend. In retrospect, my mom played both parts – mom and dad.
My parents were married for 25 years, but were far from happy. In fact, my mom begged my dad for a divorce 15 years ago, but he refused. I’m sure you’re thinking, “Why didn’t she just leave?” Well easier said than done I guess. My mom was raising six kids and did what she thought was best for us at the time. She stayed with my dad and put her own feelings aside to keep everyone else happy.
I didn’t realize how depressed my mom really was until my senior year of high school. I noticed her crying all the time and asked her if there was anything I could do. She said no, she just felt trapped and didn’t think she would ever get out. My siblings and I knew that it would be best for us to get out of the house, for our sake and our mom’s. I’ve never met anyone as selfless as my mom and she deserves happiness more than anyone I know.
At this time, we all stood by mom supporting her and encouraging her to leave. We told her that we’re all on her side, and would go with her. Even at her lowest points of depression, my mom was still looking out for the feelings of others. She didn’t want to hurt my dad. I assured my mom that he would be okay, and her health was the most important element of this particular situation.
My mom started looking at houses, unbeknownst to my dad. She finally found one that she liked and that she could afford. We were all present when my mom told my dad that we would be leaving. For the first time in my life I recognized the humanity in my dad. He showed emotion. It was very sad, but I was happy that he cared. He told my mom that he wants the best for her. It was a moment in my life that I will never forget.
November 11, 2007 we moved into a new home. Our new home is such a fun, open atmosphere. It was the best decision my mom has ever made. My dad is doing just fine now, and my parents are actually able to be friends. I will never be daddy’s little girl, but we definitely appreciate each other more than ever.
I am so grateful for cleaning house in this circumstance. In just one year, my family (including my dad) has grown much happier.