Family

One of the most important facets of my life is my family. Cliché as it sounds, I truly don’t know what I’d do without them. I’d be lost without their love, support, and presence in my life. I am the fourth of six children – four girls and two boys. Our ages range from 17-25. Yes, that’s six kids in eight years! Needless to say, we grew up in a very close environment.
I consider my childhood a wonderful one. My interpersonal relationship with my dad wasn’t great, but it didn’t bother me because I didn’t know any better. I got more than enough love and attention from other people so I was in no way deprived.
I grew up in a 4-bedroom row home in Philadelphia, which is actually quite spacious for the city – exactly what we needed. I shared a room with two of my sisters, while my oldest sister got her own room. My brothers shared another room, and my parents had the master bedroom. So why I am sharing this? Well the funny thing is, although we had our own beds, somehow we all ended up in my parent’s room at bedtime. That’s eight people jammed into one room. We scattered ourselves on the floor for years, until we bolstered up the courage to sleep elsewhere. This wasn’t even young childhood – I did this until I was 12! Nowadays, my siblings and I just laugh about it, but it does tell a lot about our family.

We love to be in each other’s presence. Sure we were born into this family, but as we got older we’ve certainly become more than that. We’re friends, and that’s by choice. I consider myself very lucky to be blessed with such an amazing family.
A few years ago, my family adopted a nickname given to us from my best friend. She dubbed us the “Dorky Lynns.” It may sound like an insult, but it’s actually a friendly joke. My siblings and I are known to break out in song at the drop of a hat. Once one person starts, we all join in, and the rest is history. We also enjoy videotaping ourselves and performing skits like those on SNL, which we find hysterical. We take any chance we get to hang out.

Recently one of my college friends, Abby, came over to my house for the first time. We walked in and my siblings were all gathered in the living room. I introduced Abby to everyone and immediately they took an interest in her, asking her questions and getting to know her better. When Abby and I left my house later that night she said she was very comfortable in my home. “Your family is so much different than mine,” she said. “If you came to my house, you’d be lucky if my brother said so much as hello to you.” This made me feel really happy. I guess sometimes I don’t even realize how friendly my family is because I’m so used to it, but it was nice of Abby to point that out. I am honored to be related to them.

According to Cuber and Harroff, my family grew up under the vital marriage type in which the family spends most time together. When I was a child, I really didn’t have that many after-school friends, but only because I always played with my siblings. We spent most of our leisure time running around outside, riding bikes, playing video games, and most certainly roughhousing. To this day, we still genuinely enjoy each other’s company and spend as much time together as possible – even if that means lounging on the couch and watching a movie. When we all lived in the same home, it was definitely easier to hang out everyday. Nowadays we are shifting into another category. Because two of us are away at college and my oldest sister lives in her own apartment, we now fall under the total marriage type in which the family spends time apart/time separate. Sometimes we don’t see each other for weeks at a time, but perhaps it’s even sweeter to be reunited after that time apart. Just this past weekend I performed in Cabaret and my whole family came up to see me. I was so excited that they were in the audience cheering me on. I know that they will forever be in support of me, and vice versa.

The clip we watched in class from The Family Stone really reminded me of my family. We have a loyalty to each other and can be very strong in siding with one another. I remember watching the faces of everyone else around the table when Sarah Jessica Parker’s character offended a member of the family. They were glaring at her with defensive eyes. I laughed at this part because that’s exactly how my family would have behaved in that circumstance. We can make fun of each other all we want, but no one outside of our family has the right. If someone outside of the family crosses their boundary, we definitely put them back in their place.

Words, thoughts and emotions are all tied closely together in my family. When one of us goes through a certain experience, we all become sensitive to it. We are each other’s advocates and backbones. Although we are not exactly the same, we share similar opinions on most social issues. We all have strong moral values and find the importance in being kind. We are there for each other through rough times and fun times, and we emotionally connect as friends.

Christmas time is a particularly joyous time for my family. We appreciate the holiday spirit and love to spread the cheer. Each season we pick the best tree for our home and then decorate it all together. We get very excited to deck the halls of our house with Christmas lights and ornaments. My point is, I love this time of year so much because we do everything together. No one has any other worries or obligations. It’s all about the family. I know this is tradition in most families, but I certainly hold it very near and dear to my heart.

I’d like to sum up this post with a quotation by Anthony Brandt. “Other things may change us, but we start and end with family.”

Cleaning House

Sometimes it’s holding on that makes us strong. Sometimes it’s letting go.
This blog couldn’t have come at a more appropriate time because I’m actually in the middle of “cleaning house” right now. My best friend and I have been attached at the hip since freshman year of high school. We did everything in a pair and even decided to attend Rider together.
It turned out that Rider wasn’t the right place for my best friend (let’s call her Susie), so Susie transferred to a different college and is now two and a half hours away from me. It was a huge transition for us because we went from seeing each other everyday for five years to seeing each other once a month if that. Last year it actually worked out very well. We talked on the phone, IM, and via email all the time. She was still grounding herself in a new environment, so she needed my support and I liked that.
This year Susie lives in an apartment with five of her new friends and is always busy with them. I feel like she doesn’t have the time for me anymore…at least the amount of time that I would like to talk with her. Whenever we do talk, it’s a short and rushed conversation because one of us always has something to do. I don’t like to think of myself as a jealous person, but it does hurt when Susie doesn’t make time for me in her life, yet spends plenty of time with other people. Looking in from the outside, I feel like Susie has all she needs with her new college friends and doesn’t need my support anymore.
I’m in a tough place because while I’m so happy Susie has found a place where she’s comfortable to be herself, I’m stuck here wanting more than she can give me at this time. Susie is very shy and takes a while to adjust to new situations. I’m so proud of her for moving to a different school hours away from our home. She really left her comfort zone and recognized that it would help her gain more self-confidence. She’s finally at a point in her life where she can truly discover who she is and who she wants to be. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like I fit into the equation at this time. Perhaps she needs to fly on her own and let go of me until she’s reached her own personal goals. It’s very sad for me to think that’s there’s a possibility that we won’t be friends in the future, but I really doubt that will happen. We haven’t talked in a few weeks now, but I don’t wish to erase her from my life forever. I’m simply cleaning house for the time being. Otherwise, our relationship will be destroyed.
I have to let go of Susie and give her time to accomplish her goals on her own, without my help. On the other hand, I need the strength to live without my best friend too. In the mean time, I try to focus my attention on other things – school, work, family, and friends. I know that we can get through this bump in the road.
As we discussed in class, cleaning house is necessary at times. I can either let go of Susie now and hope for a friendship in the future, or I can hang onto her and wait for her to let go of me. I don’t want to smother Susie in her time of growth. She doesn’t deserve that and neither do I. I’m cutting the ties between us for the benefit of both of us. I want to salvage our relationship, not end it. I think this is the best way to fix it.

This time last year my family and I were uprooting our lives and cleaning house – literally. We were moving into a new home and escaping the unpleasant environment we had lived in for years.
I’m one of six kids and we’re all very close with each other and our mom. Unfortunately, none of us have that relationship with my dad. As we grew up, we never had a close personal relationship with him. He said his duty as a father was to provide for us, not to be our friend. In retrospect, my mom played both parts – mom and dad.
My parents were married for 25 years, but were far from happy. In fact, my mom begged my dad for a divorce 15 years ago, but he refused. I’m sure you’re thinking, “Why didn’t she just leave?” Well easier said than done I guess. My mom was raising six kids and did what she thought was best for us at the time. She stayed with my dad and put her own feelings aside to keep everyone else happy.
I didn’t realize how depressed my mom really was until my senior year of high school. I noticed her crying all the time and asked her if there was anything I could do. She said no, she just felt trapped and didn’t think she would ever get out. My siblings and I knew that it would be best for us to get out of the house, for our sake and our mom’s. I’ve never met anyone as selfless as my mom and she deserves happiness more than anyone I know.
At this time, we all stood by mom supporting her and encouraging her to leave. We told her that we’re all on her side, and would go with her. Even at her lowest points of depression, my mom was still looking out for the feelings of others. She didn’t want to hurt my dad. I assured my mom that he would be okay, and her health was the most important element of this particular situation.
My mom started looking at houses, unbeknownst to my dad. She finally found one that she liked and that she could afford. We were all present when my mom told my dad that we would be leaving. For the first time in my life I recognized the humanity in my dad. He showed emotion. It was very sad, but I was happy that he cared. He told my mom that he wants the best for her. It was a moment in my life that I will never forget.
November 11, 2007 we moved into a new home. Our new home is such a fun, open atmosphere. It was the best decision my mom has ever made. My dad is doing just fine now, and my parents are actually able to be friends. I will never be daddy’s little girl, but we definitely appreciate each other more than ever.
I am so grateful for cleaning house in this circumstance. In just one year, my family (including my dad) has grown much happier.